


Shattered

by miabellaholtz



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Christmas, F/F, Tumblr: holtzbertsecretsanta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 09:09:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13232580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miabellaholtz/pseuds/miabellaholtz
Summary: Erin Gilbert was at her wits end. The holidays were stressful enough. Add in a certain blonde haired engineer and it's enough to fray anyone's nerves.Gift for scients for the Holtzbert Secret Santa Exchange





	Shattered

**Author's Note:**

> This is for scients! I hope you enjoy it and had a wonderful holiday and a happy New Year!!

The mouse moved to the search bar as Erin Gilbert started to type what she hoped would be her last key words into a search engine. 

Buying gifts for her father had never been an easy task. He had few hobbies that required equipment or materials, preferring activities such as walking. He didn’t need anything, having been comfortably settled in the home Erin had grown up in. 

Erin had asked her mother if there was anything he had his eye on, and the older woman had said there wasn’t anything she was aware of.

Now here she was, on pinterest, scoring the website for ideas as to what to get the man.

The holiday had never been a good time for Erin, even as a child. She had determined the difference between childhood fantasy and reality early on, effectively snuffing out the sense of wonder Santa Claus brought about. 

Being in large social settings had also caused her social anxiety to spike. Between the forced interactions with cousins who didn’t want to play with her because she was too weird and the aunts and uncles who were always speaking in hushed tones around her, she felt like the ceiling was sliding down as the walls advanced, trapping her. 

As she got older, she got better at schooling her expression. She learned to play mental games with herself to keep the stress from getting to her and always just tried to find the good in the situation. 

Her father was one of those things. While he and her mother had not handled her childhood encounter with the restless spirit of her neighbor, her father had always done his best to do good by her.

“I’ll always do anything for my brainy little hummingbird,” he would say as he reached out and ruffled her hair. He had coined the nickname after her dancing. He said her twitchy fingers reminded him of the bird’s wings. 

With a sigh she closed the laptop. She stood from her position in Patty’s library, picking up her mug to go and get another drink.

Upon receiving the firehouse from the mayor, the ghostbusters had promptly each claimed an area. Holtzmann had claimed the majority of the second floor for her lab, allowing her to build and expand on their machinery. Erin, who often worked closely with Holtzmann due to the reliance on her equations for Holtz’s inventions, had claimed the front corner of the room, deeming it a poof free zone.

Patty and Abby had split the first floor, complete with a library for Patty to keep as a close at hand source of information. Mixed among the historical texts were the other’s books on physics and the paranormal. A bathroom had been installed near the door of the garage so when a sliming incident occurred, they wouldn’t have to trek up the stairs to get clean.

The third floor had been turned into a living quarters for the women. Each had their own room. There was a full bathroom situated on the floor as well. A kitchen was located just down the hall from the bedrooms with a small lounge and a television for their family movie nights.

Erin walked into the kitchen to see Holtzmann sitting at the table in her boxer shorts and a black tank top. Despite the cold, the engineer claimed she ran like a furnace and insisted on wearing as few layers during the night as possible. She was loudly chomping on cereal, her eyes glued to the cartoon she had on the television.

Erin walked over to the sink and was about to wash her mug out before refilling it with coffee, when she saw the ever growing pile of plates. “Holtz?”

“Yeh?” The engineer called through a mouth full of cereal

“Wasn’t it your turn to do the dishes last night?”

“Oh it was,” Holtz replied after swallowing. “I was doing them and then I remember that the containment unit needed an upgrade that I was supposed to do in the afternoon. I skipped on down to take care of it and must of forgotten. My bad. I’ll grab ‘em once I’m done.”

Erin’s jaw clenched a bit but she didn’t say anything. 

Since they had all moved in together, rules had been established. It felt a bit like being back in college, where roommate agreements, while originally seeming silly and childish, had been all that kept her sane. 

Living with the others was great most of the time. The times when it wasn’t usually involved a certain blonde. She was loud and obnoxious. Her idea of organization was about the same as a child’s: if it’s out of the way, it’s okay. 

Currently grating on Erin’s nerves was the fact that she was the most likely to be the one to forget the chores. Other infractions included walking through the living areas (namely the lounge) with her boots on, listening to music much to early on a Saturday morning, and forgoing pants on said Saturday morning. Like she was doing now.

Erin set about getting her coffee, firing up the coffee maker and leaning impatiently on the counter for the liquid to begin running through the machine.

“So, what is Erin Gilbert going to get up to today?” Holtz asked, as she slurped the milk in her bowl.

“I need to finish that journal review I’ve had on my desk for a week and a half now-”

“What!” The blonde squawked. “It’s Saturday! You can’t do work on a Saturday.”

“You work all the time… every day.” 

“I don’t always work… sometimes I tinker.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

“… maybe…”

“Holtz, you really should actually take a break.”

“I do! I fixed the Christmas lights. Then I hung them up. Then I ate a box of candy canes. Then I watched this documentary on birds - ”

“Birds?”

“Birds!”

“I didn’t know you were interested in biology.”

“I just like animals. Sometimes I watch ‘em when I hit a snag in a design. A raven can apparently mimic human speech and hummingbirds have iridescent feathers…”

Erin stopped listening. Iridescence… something that was colorful and entrancing to look at. Something that would catch the light, stunning the observer with its beauty.

“I gotta go!” Like a shot Erin was out of the room.  
***  
With a final click, the task was done. Erin grinned as she read over the conformation, delighted with the stroke of genius she had been fortunate enough to get.

A mug was placed in front of her. 

“Holtz said you left this in your rush to do whatever you’ve been up to this morning.”

Erin looked over her shoulder to smile at Abby, moving her laptop screen to give her a better view. Leaning forward, Abby let out a low whistle. “Wow, that is something.”

“It’s perfect and tomorrow it will be set.”

“Well I’m glad you’ve figured it out. You doing okay with… everything?”

Erin sighed. “I’m fine.”

“You wanna try that with someone who will buy it.”

“Abs, you know how my parents can be. I can’t say I’m looking forward to the holiday.”

“You’ve never been substantiated before though.”

“We’re being discreet.”

“Poorly.”

“But still, we’re supposed to be low profile.”

“Supposed to be.”

“But you know them. They’ll harp on how well I’m doing since my “recovery” and the ghosts get brought up, my mom will bring attention to the new scarf Aunt Lucy made for her daughter. Anything to keep crazy little ghost girl at bay.”

“When do you fly out?”

“The twenty third. I’m back on the twenty seventh.”

Abby sighed sadly. “Just… try to have a good time. Please. If you’re miserable, you know my mom and dad would love to see you again, but try to spend time with your fam. You never know. It might be fun.” 

Erin opened her mouth to retort but was cut short by a low bang. “Damn it, Holtzy! We said no more testing potential poofs inside!” 

“Patty, why must you take the fun out of the holiday?”

“You do it all the time!”

Abby turned to Erin. “You think we should…”

Erin rose with a groan. “Yup. Let’s see what she’s done this time.”

The two ascended the stairs, ready to calm Patty and keep her from strangling the resident engineer.

“What do poofs have to do with Christmas anyway?!”  
***  
Erin carefully set the wrapped package on the coffee table. Fussing with the ribbon, Erin primped and preened until she was satisfied. 

She contemplated placing it under the tree the four of them had put up together. The tree was moderately sized, standing at roughly seven feet. Already arranged under it was an assortment of packages. Erin contemplated adding hers to the collection but decided not to. The small box could easily be kicked or damaged under the tree; better to just leave it on the table.

She rose from her place on the couch to get herself a celebratory mug of hot chocolate. As she started the water on a tea kettle, she hummed a happy little tune. Now that her father’s gift was in her hand, she knew she could relax a bit and mentally prep for the time at home.

“What’s got you all chipper?” Patty said coming over and placing a stack of mugs in the sink.

“Oh just the holiday spirit,” Erin said. She reached into one of the cabinets, pulling out a mug. “Hot chocolate?” She asked Patty, as the tall woman sank into a chair.

“Why not?” 

“What have you been up to this morning? It’s been pretty quiet,” Erin questioned as she grabbed a second mug. As she placed it on the counter, she froze. “Where’s Holtz?”

“She went out dumpster diving.”

“I told her we could just order it now that we’re funded!”

“I told her the same thing but she insists it’s not the same.”

Erin grumbled. “She’s gonna need to shower before she brings anything in… and wash all of her stuff in the garage before it comes up here. I am not dealing with the smell again.”

Patty gave her a look. “Everything alright, baby? You ticked at her or something.”

“What makes you say that?” Erin turned to the stove and turned off the kettle that was beginning to hiss.

“You just seem to be a bit shorter fused with her than normal.”

Erin continued to prepare the hot chocolate. “Might have just been my tension with the journal.”

“You know she doesn’t mean anyth-”

“I just told you there wasn’t a problem!” 

“We’ve got a problem.” 

Both turned to look at Abby as she appeared in the door. “Couple of class threes decided to terrorize a hotel.”

“Man, why is it always a hotel? I did not sign up to be going into these creepy ass buildings.” Patty said as she immediately rose from the seat and moved to where Abby was already descending the stairs, Erin following close behind.

“Holtz isn’t here. Did you call her?”

“We’re gonna pick her up and she’s gonna change in the car.”

As the woman reached the ground floor and began to pull on their gear, Erin felt herself amping up, as the pre-bust nerves began to set in.

She grabbed her favorite side arm and holstered it. As the three woman looked at each other, they nodded, moving to the door to the garage.

Time to go to work.

***  
“I thought you said it was a couple of class threes!”

“I did.”

“A couple means two! You’re a scientist; you should know that.”

“Well I’m sorry, next time I’ll tell the client to do an accurate head count as they scream in terror!”

“Hate to interrupt, but maybe we can go over policy later,” Holtz piped up from where she was holding a highly ionized mobster in her proton beam, interrupting Abby and Patty’s squabbling.

Erin turned, aiming her own pack at the ghost and firing, wrapping the entity in her beam and helping Holtz to drag it into the trap.

When it snapped shut, Holtz nodded her thanks, before diverting her attention to the next target, ducking as the entity sent a chair flying towards her head. 

When they arrived, they quickly discovered that the situation was much worse than they had anticipated. The Five ghosts which were flying rampant through the lobby had been cackling with joy as they destroyed the priceless artwork hung about. 

It had not been an easy bust but they were finally down to the last two ghosts. Patty and Abby were in the process of bringing down one of the specters, but Erin could see that their grip on it was slipping.

Acting quickly, Erin ran toward them. As she approached them she called for them to open the trap. Patty reacted without taking her eyes off the ghost, throwing the trap under the ghost and stomping onto the pedal. 

Erin didn’t slow up as she closed the distance between the two of them. As she passed between her friends, she dropped to the ground in a slide that would make a major leaguer jealous.

She aimed the barrel of her proton gun and, as she passed under the ghost, fired her weapon. The beam wrapped around the creature and she used her momentum to drag it down into the trap. 

“Now!” She shouted to Patty. Without hesitation, the other woman slammed the trap shut. 

“Damn baby!” Patty screamed, clapping and cheering. “That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. Gilbert came to play!”

Abby came over, helping Erin to her feet. “Not bad, ghost girl.”

“Yea, great work guys. Hate to bug you but can one of you help me!” Holtz said choking out the last part of her phrase as the ghost she had been attempting to secure broke free, grabbing her by the neck and lifting her off the ground before dropping her.

Three barrels immediately went up and fired in synchronization. The ghost screamed in rage as it was ensnared, falling forward into a dive as it rushed the ghostbusters. 

Holtz, dazed from her fall, reached to her other arm and slapped the band, opening the trap. As the ghost was being sucked in it let out a final roar. The trap closed as the creature vomited a foul green slime.

The threat was neutralized.

The hotel was safe. 

And Erin Gilbert was covered in slime.

Again.

***  
“Well look at it this way, it’s festive,” Abby called after Erin as she disappeared into the firehouse. 

A door slammed in response. Seconds later they heard the shower start.

“I wonder why it is always her,” Patty mused as she picked up Erin’s pack, which was thankfully slime free.

“Maybe she built up a static charge from all that tweed she wore,” Abby joked. 

“Maybe she’s got some serious bad karma?”

“I think the ghosts just think she’s ‘boo-tiful.’”

“Holtz, that was your worst one yet.”

The blonde grinned, hoisting two proton packs onto her shoulder. “I think it was scary good.”

“Baby, you didn’t even try on that one,” Patty said, grabbing one of the other proton packs as Abby picked up the last.

Holtz led the march to the lab, where she lovingly hung up each proton pack. “Baby, don’t do that,” Patty warned, as Holtz raised the pitch of her voice, talking to the machinery. 

“Patty doesn’t mean that, my babies. She knows this is how we work.”

Shaking her head, the tallest of them tuned to Abby. “She’s your whack job. I’m not responsible for her.”

Dropping her voice to its normal tone, Holtz laughed. “You love me and you know it. So much,” she drawled as she moved towards her radio, “you’re gonna have a dance party with me.”

“Bitch, we just got back from a long ass bust and you want to dance?”

“I always want to dance.”

“It’s true. It took her all of three hours on her first day before she couldn’t hold back the stanky leg.”

“I don’t ever want to see that.”

“Well you’re about to cause it’s coming out now!” Holtz cranked the volume, ‘Holly Jolly Christmas’ filling the room. Holtz danced freely, swinging her hips as she rotated her leg. 

“Oh my god, have mercy. Please stop,” Patty said, an infectious laugh filling the room as Holtz continued her ridiculous dance to the least fitting music. 

As the music reached a peak, Holtz broke her motion to grab Abby’s hand and pull her into a spin, joining into the song in an off key pitch. Laughter filled the room as the song faded and transitioned.

“You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I’m telling you why,” Holtz lolled, hopping from foot to foot as she danced with her friends. Abby broke from her hold, moving towards the island next to Patty.

Holtz didn’t let up though. This was freeing. As she tucked her body into a spin, she let out a happy whoop. She continued to turn, feeling her head get light with dizziness, laughing with glee.

And then she hit the couch. It wasn’t particularly low enough to knock her off balance, but the unexpected contact caused her to jerk backwards, tumbling over the back of the couch and to the floor. As she landed, her momentum propelled her into the coffee table. Pushing herself onto all fours, her eyes flashed open.

A shatter had rung through the room.

Looking up, she saw a small package was now lying on the ground on its side. It seemed undisturbed and pristine, but the small sound indicated something much worse.

The laughter had stopped, the song continuing cheerily in the background. “What have you done?” 

Holtz whipped around.

Erin was standing in the doorway in a loose red top and flannel pajama pants. Holtz felt her throat constrict. 

The brunette rushed into the room, brushing past Abby and Patty to reach the gift. Picking it up, she ripped away the wrapping paper to reveal a small cardboard box. Her hands flew to the flaps of the top and pried them open. 

Holtz didn’t know what was in the box but judging by the way Erin’s worried features fell and her lip trembled, whatever it was had been destroyed. “Erin, I-”

Erin’s gaze snapped to Holtz. “You what? You’re sorry?” 

“I didn’t mean to - ”

“No, Holtz.” Erin’s face had begun to turn red, as her anger began to consume her. “You can’t just brush this off like you do the dishes and the paperwork and not wearing fucking pants when you don’t want to. You went ahead and screwed up another thing in my life.”

“I was just dancing and - ”

“Oh, of course you were.” Erin’s mocking voice rang out, clear as a bell. “That’s what you’re best at. You dance and you goof and you flirt but do you actually do anything meaningful? No.”

“That’s not fa -”

“No, what’s not fair is how you leave all the work you don’t want to do. What’s not fair is how you don’t care how uncomfortable I am with you and your stupid dancing. You don’t get to just play with my feelings. I’m not one of your fucking toys.”

“You’re not -”

“And now you destroyed the one thing that took me weeks to come up with,” Erin dumped the box over, spilling glass onto the table, “and I have to clean up your mess again.”

Holtz looked down at the fractioned hummingbird ornament. The wings had chipped away along with the delicate head. The bird which had been posed in midflight made Holtz’s heart plummet into her stomach. She swallowed, trying to quell her nausea.

“It was an accident,” Holtz whispered.

“No. You’re the accident.”

“Okay, let’s all just calm down,” Abby called as she moved forward. 

“Oh don’t worry. I bet I’ll calm down on the trip to the mall now that I have to replace this or my dad’s getting nothing for Christmas.” Erin dropped the package onto the coffee table and stormed out of the room. Abby looked at Holtz who looked like she’d been struck. 

She bent at the waist and gingerly placed each of the hummingbird’s parts and placed them back into their container before she picked up the box and walked out of the common area, moving towards her room.

When Holtz had vacated the room, Patty quickly said, “I’ll get Holtzy, you take care of Erin,” and she peeled off after Holtz. 

Abby quickly descended the stairs, chasing after her childhood friend.

***  
“You know she didn’t mean it.”

“I don’t care. She did it.”

The two were walking briskly through the mall, Erin on a mission to find a replacement gift.

“Er, it really was just an accident.”

“Sure. Just like she accidently doesn’t clean the dishes or volunteer for the paperwork.”

“I don’t see you jumping to do the equipment repairs.”

They ducked into a generic memorabilia store and quickly began perusing the aisle, Erin quickly moving past the displays.

“She doesn’t get to treat me this way.”

“Erin, what way?”

“She’s been playing with my feelings and I’m sick of it.”

The quiet beat that followed caused Erin to look up, to where Abby was staring at her with wide eyes. “You have feelings for her.”

Erin dropped her head back down, considering for a moment everything she had felt. 

“Yes.”

Abby was silent for a moment, looking at a small frame that read ‘love knows no bounds.’ She considered everything she knew of her two friends.

“She’s head over heels for you.”

“What?”

“She’s in love with you.”

“Be serious, Abby.”

“Come on, really! She bends over backwards for you and you don’t even know it.”

A snort was the reply as Erin fingered a small snowman with a fishing pole. 

“Seriously. You always have a mid-morning coffee brought to you. She gives you first pick of new weapons. Whenever it’s her turn to pick dinner, it’s somewhere you had mentioned craving or a place you like. Her movie night picks are always from your favorites -”

“That could just be coincidence.”

“… Do you actually think she likes romantic comedies?”

“Lots of people do,” Erin said, moving out of the store with Abby on her heels, making their way to a window displaying tall glass figurines.

“Erin, I’ve known Holtz a long time. She has never once willing watched one with me. It always takes a bargaining chip. You walk in and all of a sudden she’s choosing ‘Fifty First Dates’ and ‘Pretty Woman’ instead of ’21 Jump street’ or ‘Die hard.’”

Erin didn’t reply as she headed towards the back of the store.

“She’s not perfect. She’s not even conventional. But she doesn’t have a malicious bone in her body and has more heart than a cardiac floor in a hospital. And as much as it seems like it, she didn’t mean to ruin your dad’s gift.” 

Abby paused, as her eyes locked in on something. She walked towards it and gingerly picked it up, turning it over in her hands. She frowned momentarily, before continuing to address Erin who was now examining a Wizard of Oz figure.

“You’re both serious catches. Don’t throw away something that could be great.” Abby reached forward, pressing something into Erin’s hand. “And go easy on her.”

A buzz rang out and Abby fished into her pocket, pulling out her phone. Bringing it to her ear, and stepping away, she left Erin standing alone.

Looking down, Erin observed the cool glass ornament which had been pressed into her hand. Two hummingbirds crossing at the wing were frozen in flight. As she looked at it, she turned it over in her palm, contemplating Abby’s words and the possibility that maybe… Holtz wasn’t as bad as she thought. 

***  
“She just left?”

“Maybe about two hours ago? She took a knapsack and headed out the door. She said she’d try to be back before it got too late and that we shouldn’t wait up.”

“It’s ten thirty. Nothing is this important. What is she doing?”

“The hell if I know, Abby. One minute I was waiting for her to get out of her room and the next she’s out the door. I didn’t have time to ask her to stop.”

Abby and Erin had gotten home after Erin made her purchase. She had retired to her room to wrap the new gift. As soon as she was out of ear shot, Abby sought out Patty, who had called her frantically when the engineer had gone out on her own.

“Maybe she just went to clear her head, grab a drink or two.”

“Or she’s out finding herself a little someone to keep her warm tonight.”

“Or she’s just at a movie and has her phone on silent.”

They lapsed into silence, tense after the night’s adventures. Neither knowing what to do. As Abby worried her bottom lip, Patty went to the fridge. Retrieving two bottles of beer, she handed one to Abby and sat on the couch. Abby joined her and the two quietly clinked glasses before settling down. 

As they both moved through their drinks, they stayed silent, listening for the sounds of a door opening, a tone from their phone to indicate she was okay, or even the quiet mumbling which could usually be heard through her door if she was sleeping there. 

They waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

Minutes ticked by and turned to hours but Holtzmann didn’t return to the firehouse. The drinks long finished, and several unanswered phone calls later, Abby and Patty had begun a game of cards to try to keep their minds busy. As they rounded 1:30 in the morning and approached two, Abby was losing the fight to her drooping eyes. 

“Maybe she did go home with someone.”

Patty sighed. “Maybe. She did say not to wait up.” She thought for a moment. “If I don’t hear from her by tomorrow morning, I’m going out looking for her.” 

Abby agreed. As the two headed off to bed, they couldn’t help the uneasy feeling in their stomachs. 

***  
Morning came.

Patty was up first and made a bee line for Holtz’s room when she got out of bed. The engineer was not found. As Patty looked at the undisturbed bed, she felt a pit form in her stomach. 

She made her way to the lab, hoping their friend was hiding away in her favorite place. Holtz wasn’t there; however, she had clearly been home at some point. Several new weapons were laid on the table, and the protons packs seemed to be gleaming on their racks, freshly polished. 

Patty bit back the sting of disappointment at the fact, Holtz didn’t seem to stick around. She walked over to survey the new weapons, and saw a square of blue peaking out from beneath a gun. Picking it up and bringing it closer, she read:

“Going to be off working on a side project. Call if there’s a bust or repairs to be done. Everything should be up to date as of now. –H”

“She was here?” Abby materialized next to Patty, trying to read over her shoulder. Patty relinquished the note, and nodded. “So she’s not gonna be here.”

“I’m thinkin she’s just trying to give Erin a little space.”

“So what do we do?”

“Nothing. They’re two grown ass women. They can handle this.” As she said the last bit, Patty felt her voice waiver, as her confidence in the statement waned.

It continued to do so when several days past and Holtz had yet to make an appearance at the firehouse. Luckily, the ghosts seemed to be taking a vacation as the holiday drew closer. Every few days, evidence would be found that Holtz had been to the firehouse during the evening when everyone else was asleep. 

Erin for her part, initially ignored these signs, still upset with the destruction of her gift. She would work on her side of the lab in quiet, pretending that Holtz’s portion didn’t exist. As days ticked by, she found herself glancing at the clock more frequently. As the sun rose and fell and the blonde still had not shown up, Erin felt her anger begin to fade.

They didn’t know where she was.

They didn’t know what she was doing.

But her late night visits kept happening. She was safe, but for some reason, choose to stay away from her home.

As the fifth consecutive night of Holtz being absent from the fire house pasted, the cycle broke.

It was the 20th, when the box was found, six days after the blow out. Patty and Abby had gone out on a lunch run, picking up something small for Holtzmann, in case she were to turn up unexpectantly. Erin had just returned from the restroom, and was riffling through paperwork she had been in the process of completing when she saw it.

It was bright blue and looked like it could fit in the palm of her hand. It was sitting innocently on her desk in a position that let its presence be announced rather than tucked behind a computer monitor or filing tower.

“Kevin?” She called down through the hole in the floor for the fire pole.

“Yes, Boss?”

“Did you leave a box on my desk?” 

“Mmm, no. I didn’t have any boxes. Boxing day isn’t for another couple days. I know you’re scientists but if you don’t get holidays, maybe I could help you out.”

“Thanks, Kev.” Better to just not acknowledge that last part.

Erin sat down at her desk, placing the papers on her ‘to do’ tray. She took the small box in her hand and lifted it as she reclined slowly in her seat. She scrutinized it from all sides, turning it to see if a tag had been left. Upon coming up blank, she furrowed her brow and decided to open the package.

She lifted the lid away from the box and saw a small yellow card lying on the top. A message had been scrawled across with a sloppy hand. As she lifted the card to read the message, she gasped as she saw what the box contained. 

She placed the card down and used her hand to lift the contents out of the box. As her hand lifted, a small delicate hummingbird was brought to her eye level. Erin recognized it as the same one she had purchased for her father, yet it was so much different.

The bird was posed mid flight and as it swung from its cord, it rotated, catching the light and causing a beautiful gleam to shine on the glass. Small colored segments of glass had also been attached to the wings of the animal. The light would catch on these tiny shards and cause a small glimmer of blue, green, or purple. 

Most astonishingly, Erin couldn’t tell it had been broken. There was no guarantee that this ornament was the one she had originally purchased but it sure did look like it... only the improved version.

Erin turned it, admiring the bird before moving to the note. The message was scrawled in slanted jagged handwriting. I’m sorry. I tried to fix it. Merry Christmas.

Holtz had fixed it. Erin had no idea how but her shattered gift was repaired. As she admired the beautiful ornament, guilt flooded her. She turned it over in her hand one final time before placing it in the box. Making up her mind, Erin climbed the stairs to the third floor. 

She went first to Holtz’s room, which hadn’t been touched in almost a week. The room looked undisturbed as ever, Holtz’s clutter lying about. She headed to their communal space and looked around, trying to spot the familiar blonde head. She came up empty handed. 

After walking over to the couch to make sure the engineer wasn’t lying on it out of sight, she paused to consider where she could be. As she compiled a list of all the places the engineer liked to frequent, she prioritized them, trying to gauge where Holtz would most likely go. If Holtz wasn’t going to come home for her to apologize, she’d go find her and do it.

Erin turned, heading to her bedroom to get her purse and begin looking at the restaurant she frequented. She turned the corner and ran smack into a body. Her hands reached out, grabbing onto the soft fabric as she steadied herself and the person she had run into. After righting herself, she took a good look at the person.

Holtz was never one to take particularly good care of herself, but she seemed to have reached a new low. Fresh from a shower, the blonde’s hair hung dark and wet in her face, leaving drip marks down the top of her green sleep shirt. A slight tremble was set in the blonde’s stance as her legs worked to keep her upright. Her eyes were shadowed by dark bruises, contrasting against her pale skin, as the lids drooped, heavy with fatigue.

“You look terrible.”

“Thanks, Gilbert,” the words lacked the usual hypnotic purr which they were usually spoken with. Holtzmann’s voice was flat, even toneless. Erin watched as her eyes fell closed as she yawned, swaying on her feet.

“Come on, let’s get you in bed.” Erin nudged the blonde to her room, trying to get her to walk and talk. “When’s the last time you slept?”

“I don’t know.” Holtz answered slowly. “Maybe a couple nights ago.”

“You can’t do that. Your body needs sleep.”

A noncommital grunt followed, as Erin flipped on the light switch for Holtz’s room. Holtz trudged over to the bed before pausing and looking over her shoulder at Erin, torn between what to do at this point. Erin closed the distance, turning Holtz’s covers down for her and gesturing for the blonde to lie down. “We need to talk,” Holtz said, trying to rectify whatever gap had formed between her and her friend. 

“We do,” Erin agreed, as she placed her hands on Holtzmann’s shoulders, applying gentle pressure until the blonde sank down onto the bed. “But you look dead on your feet.”

Holtz wouldn’t be deterred . “No, no. I ruined your gift. I tried to fix it, but I can give you the money to replace it – ”

“Shhh shh shh,” Erin hushed, sitting beside her. “Don’t worry about that now. How about you just close your eyes and try to relax?” Erin twisted her hands. 

The blonde didn’t seem to be deterred though, still on whatever train of thought she had boarded. “Erin, I hope you didn’t think my flirting was just a game.”

“Holtz - ”

“It’s not. I might be… bad at talking about my feelings, I never wanted… I don’t just flirt like that for anyone… I … I had hoped that maybe you would get the hint… I’m not blaming you of course… I just… why is this so hard?” As Holtzmann got more and more frustrated, her sentences came faster, and she began to gesticulate frantically, her hands moving on their own accord. 

“It’s because you’re exhausted. Now why don’t you just lie back - ”

“And then I screwed up and broke the ornament… it was an accident, I promise. But I tried to fix it, best I could. I didn’t have all the tiny glass shards so I wound up having to improvise. I know it’s not the same, but maybe –”

“Holtzy, shhh. We’ll talk about it in a bit okay? After you’ve gotten some proper sleep. How about that?”

A beat passed as Holtz thought quietly. Erin used the still moment to gently grab Holtz’s ankles, and lift them off the ground. Swiveling them around, she placed both her feet up top on the bed and pulled the covers over the engineer.

“Good night, Holtz.” Erin turned and made to leave, when Holtz softly called her name.

“It’s noon,” the engineer had turned onto her side with her eyes closed and was snuggling into her pillows.

Erin chuckled, clicking the light off.

“Good noon, Holtz…”  
***  
Hours had gone by since Holtz had returned. Abby and Patty had returned and after stopping Abby from dragging Holtz out of bed to lecture her and allowing Patty to quietly go check on her, the group had settled into routine, taking up their own projects. Now quitting time had passed, Patty and Abby had long since gone to their rooms to retire, and Erin was still on the couch, typing out the newest chapter for the next book she and Abby would publish on her laptop.

As her eyes scanned over the newest paragraph she had written, she heard the soft whoosh of fabric along a floor. Raising her gaze, she saw a very drowsy Holtzmann enter the room and head directly to the refrigerator. 

“Morning.”

“Is it actually morning? Don’t play right now; my concept of time is a bit off.”

“It’s almost 9:30 at night,” Erin informed, taking pity on her. “You feeling a bit better now?”

She was met with a shrug, as Holtz closed the fridge, evidently not finding what she was looking for. Instead, she turned to the cupboard, reaching up and grabbing a glass. As she filled it with water from the sink, she answered. “Yea, a bit. I’m still pretty… meh.” She turned to make eye contact with Erin. “But I wanted to talk to you… if that was okay?”

Erin saved her work and closed the laptop. “Yea, okay. Let’s talk.”

Holtz shifted her weight from one foot to another, rubbing her bicep uncomfortably as she dropped her gaze to the floor, contemplating the best place to start. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry about everything. The ornament was an accident. I’ll try to be more conscious of my…everything in the future… and I’m really, really sorry if the flirting made you uncomfortable. It wasn’t my intention. I won’t apologize for doing it because… you know… I do like you… but I’ll back off if you say the word.” She settled her arms against the counter behind her back, leaning onto it as she avoided looking at Erin.

Erin stood up from her place on the couch. She stood and began to close the distance between her and Holtz. “I’m the one that needs to apologize. I said some pretty terrible things to you that were completely uncalled for.” 

“You were upset.”

“That’s still not an excuse to talk to you like I did.” Erin smiled at Holtz, meeting her eyes. “I love the ornament. I can’t believe you fixed it like that.”

“It was nothing. Anything for you.” She averted her gaze from Erin, a blush coloring her cheeks.

“It’s been a very long time since I’ve lived with people. It’s an adjustment. I need to make an effort to, to be more understanding when things don’t go in the exact way I would do them.

Erin paused, taking a deep breath, steeling her nerves.

“It’s also been a long time since I’ve done this.” And for the first time in a long time, Erin Gilbert acted on impulse. She leaned down and captured Holtzmann’s lips with her own. The contact was brief, short, but irresistibly sweet. 

When they broke apart, Holtz was looking at Erin with wide eyes. “So… is this how you reconciled fights with all your roommates? Cause, I might not want to ever stop fighting if they end like that.”

“I think it’ll be better if you just ask for one instead of trying to piss me off.”

“…Can I have another?”

Erin obliged her, letting out a startled squeak as Holtz leaned into the kiss, flipping their positions so Erin was the one trapped between her body and the counter. As Erin settled her arms around the blonde’s neck, Holtz pulled away, a flush coloring her cheeks.

“I hate to kill the moment… but I’m forgiven right?”

Erin groaned. “Yes you’re forgiven. Now shut up and kiss me.”

They never got the chance, because as Holtz leaned in to oblige Erin’s request, her stomach let out a deep growl that dissolved Erin into a fit of laughter.

“Pizza?”

“With pineapples?”

“Uh, how do you eat that?” Erin whined, even as she picked up her phone to place the order.

“It’s delicious!” Holtz cried in distress.

As they waited for their food to arrive, they settled on the couch, together. “So… what exactly are we?”

“I thought we already established this?” Holtz said as she laid back, stretching her legs out.

“Well, we definitely kissed but… what are we?”

Holtz shrugged, an arm coming up to rest behind her head. “We can be whatever we want. Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

“God, that makes it sound like we’re teenagers.”

“Young at heart, baby.”

“Holtz, please.”

Holtz turned to face Erin more squarely. “Well, do you? We don’t have to label anything, if you don’t want to. We can just be Erin and Holtz.”

“… I think I’d like to be your girlfriend.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, then we’re girlfriends. See, not so hard!” Holtz reached over grabbing onto Erin’s hand, smiling reassuringly. “And we can do this however we want.”

“However, we want?”

“However, we want.”

“I like the sound of that.”

“It does sound pretty good doesn’t it?”

Holtz turned her head, noticing a small wrapped package on the table. “Who’s that for?”

“My dad.”

“You already got it wrapped?”

“Oh no, I got him a new one.”

“What? But what about the one, I fixed?”

Erin smirked, sitting up on the couch and looking at Holtz coyly. “My girlfriend made me one I just can’t give away. I mean look how nice it looks on the tree.” Erin said, gesturing to the small tree in the corner. 

Dangling from one of the branches was the hummingbird; it’s newly decorated wings sparkling under the tree lights.

A wide grin spread on Holtz’s face. “Ah, I see. This is why I date the smart girls.”

“How did you fix it?”

“An old friend of mine is a glass smith. Not by trade, just as a hobby. I crashed at his during the day, had him show me how to do it, and fixed it while he was at work.”

“Ah, so you aren’t a Jack of all trades?”

“No, no… and I’d be a Jill of trades, anyway.”

Erin burst into laughter at the play of words, reaching her hand out and grabbing Holtz’s shoulder. As her laugh grew, Holtz’s joined, the two giggling in the quiet of the room. 

As Erin calmed and the laughter turned to an appreciative hum, she grinned at Holtz in the soft glow of Christmas lights. As the quiet enveloped the two of them, something turned in her stomach. Her grin faded into a smirk. “How long till that pizza gets here?”

“Oh, I’d say about…thirty minutes?”

“That’s a lot of free time… and I might need a distraction from being so… hungry.”  
“I think there are some snacks around here somewhere…” Holtz said, moving to get up but she was stopped by Erin catching her wrist and pulling her back down. Holtz looked at her questioningly, only to swallow at the feral smirk Erin sent her.

“Or,” Erin said, crawling towards Holtz on the couch. “We could have a different kind of … appetizer.”

Their lips found each other as they melted down into the couch, the soft twinkling of the tree illuminating the room and settling a blanket of calm over the new couple, as they began to explore one another, content in the silence and the quiet that was only shattered by their gentle gasps and moans. 

As they ate their fill later that night, talking softly to one another, the two rejoiced in the calm as peace settled over the firehouse.


End file.
